The feeling I have at this moment is probably the least describable.  I haven't been able to refresh myself from all the havoc around me; leaving my internship, moving from one place to another after having already moved three months ago, then trying to get to my college classes from Lynwood to Shoreline.  BLjldkajadjaoiehg!  Haha.  I guess that could describe it.

I suppose a lot of people would describe themselves in such a situation as being stressed, frustrated, tired, and maybe even distraught and panicked.  However it feels like something totally different.  Maybe all those emotions packed together into a single, subtle, yet irritating feeling.  I don't know, it's odd. :)

Because I don't know much of anything (lol) I believe my greatest strength is the ability to learn through my life experiences.  I'm open every moment to what life deals me, through my actions and through its constant flow.

The matter of having money has almost become a traditon; a belief for the people of this world.  It's nice to know when I have a few extra dollars in my pocket, however, there are times when I don't.  What then?  I find myself appreciating what I already have.  The Earth is our Mother.  Earth gives us so many resources but as we are human, so do our needs for resources grow.  We feel the need for the shelter of concrete buildings, boxed and artificial foods.  Most people don't even know how to sew or use a stove because we're so sheltered and taken care of by the security of money!

For me, I appreciate what money has given me only because it's what I had been born into.  Now that I'm older I still appreciate it but then I see the importance in what is given to us all naturally.  It's just a matter of us learning to embrace its gifts.

This is an entry from my paper journal and I decided to share my thought on the subject of my self exploration.  Enjoy!

[ m a y 14, 2oo7 ]

So I've found out what I really want in life.

I've talked about wanting to be a manager and all...however I keep having in my heart this feeling that doesn't agree.  It's saying.

I have been forcing it.  I know I have because I haven't been able to catch my breath with how many people I've been telling about how I want to be whatever.  It's ridiculous!

Why force an idea that you know nothing about?  As in that you have no real idea as to what it means?

I feel like I've been pushing myself on people who are leaders that look at me and see someone who doesn't even know what they're talking about.  I have no hard feelings towards it.  In fact, I can see much clearly through that truth.

It was when I was finally going to my mom's house when the bus passed Lake Forest Park and I thought of something.  It just popped into my head and made so much sense.  It made my stomach turn from surprising discovery!

Just help them; just be there to listen and to know in myself that I will have or find the strength to point them the way.  Not to tell others what to do but to simply show them a possible path.  That's it.  I will educate myself with knowledge of law, humanity, Spirit, and prepare my whole being so that I can sit on the sidelines with everyone and watch as life gives us our different choices.  It's only fair to live your own life the way you can and preach what you do with others through goodness and from your heart.

It's only unwise to say words that aren't what you live.

Unless you strive for those words.  I'm not saying that anything one person does - whether it be myself or whoever - is right for someone else.  Everyone is different.  However, when you find good knowledge from an experience and its giving wisdom, share it with world!  Be selfless with what goodness the universe has given you.  There is no arrogance nor vain in that.  It's only arrogant and vain when you share that goodness and feel that person won't be as "lucky" as you have been; thinking they won't gain what riches you've received since you discovered it first.  Never share such things half-heartily or with sarcasm and doubt.  Share it with that knowledge that no matter who it is, if they try hard and see the good and take the opportunities, they too can feel that wisdom and experience it.

Wisdom is only for the equal.